A letter to my nanna

I wish I could be there for your birthday instead of… Well you know where I am. I know that you’re not going to read this because my blog is secret to all but a few, maybe I will tell you one day when I can tell you that you’re my rock and not want to cry.

You are my absolute rock. You have been a second mum to me and only God knows where I would be without you. I’ll never forget you taking me in as a child and caring for me everyday. You walked to the other side of town to take me to school and you took me home afterward, you walked to the ends of the Earth for me everyday and I never realised at the time. I kept you up all night begging you to read me a Rabbit and Hedgehog story that we loved, I remember me practically forcing you to read me my Joseph and His Technicolour Dream Coat, while I stroked the pictures of the fat cows and the skinny cows asking you questions you weren’t sure how to ask me. I remember all those times I had nightmares and all the times you guided me back to bed when I was sleep walking. You’ve taught me so much, you always pushed me to be better, asking me crossword questions and getting me to do the Sudoku or answer math questions. You used to play princesses in the garden with me and set up weddings, Hell you let me delve into your kitchen to get out all the pots and pans so I could sit in the garden and play ‘mixing’, you gave me flowers out of your garden so I could make you perfume. You taught me so much about gardening while I sat and drew the flowers in the garden, you were the only one that played with me. You always protected me when I was scared and you took me out every Halloween to all the family and neighbours houses. I lived in your house for years before living there semi-permenantly, you’ve always encouraged me to do the right thing even if that was th hardest to do. I’m sorry I didn’t come home when I was supposed to and you had to go out on your bike looking for me, and I’m sorry I didn’t ring last week because I was mad about what you said but now I know that you’re protecting me because you’re scared I’ll have the life you had and get hurt but I promise you I will make it, you’ll see. I know you hate your picture being taken but I’d love to just have one for when my heart is empty, time is ticking away and I know you’re only 60 now and I know that I’m growing up and I will spread my wings but I don’t think I could live fully without you, I wouldn’t just lose a nanna, I’d lose a mother and a best friend too. Thank you for being the only person that could say ‘period’ to me and not freak out and thank you for telling me stories of how much pain you had in yours while stroking my hair just so I wouldn’t feel like it was the end of the world. I love that you play with my hair and every time I come for tea you get mad because I dry up for you, when really I hate drying up I just want to spend more time with you. I’ll always remember the little red flowers I drew on the wall and you convinced Grandad to change the wallpaper so he wouldn’t see, thank you for washing my hair all those times I didn’t want to do it myself. Thank you for hiding under the tables while it thundered outside when I was scared of them, I’ll never forget how I excited I was for the holidays so I could go to work with you and I could use the till and speak to the people in the shop, I still think about Mr Brooks. I love how alike we are and every family party we have we both sit in the corner, me sitting on your lap and you rocking me back and forth whispering in my ear. Thank you for making me laugh when no one else could and I’ll never forget the times when I was poorly and you walked such a way to bring me grapes to feel better and I’ll remember the times you washed my lobster so that Patrick wouldn’t throw him away. I’ll love you forever, I wish I’d done more for you, been better. Now I will though, I promise I’ll be better. Thank you for being my rock ❤

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